Know Yourself

“Let’s go on a vacation together,” my teenager’s friend’s mom enthusiastically suggested at the end of our winter get-together. “ You look like you are fun people to travel with.”

We had met a few times before, but I didn’t know the family that well, which must be why they called us fun. Our friend Michelle would likely call us intense. Still, I gave the idea a thought, especially that the teens had jumped at it immediately. A local weekend get away wouldn't hurt anyone. Before I knew it, everyone was talking about an exotic beach vacation.

A beach vacation was super tempting in February, but there were so many reasons why it was a bad idea. To start, we had already booked a trip to the Big Island in November and weren’t planning on another one. Secondly, I was worried that our traveling styles and budgets might not overlap, which would lead to friction. Lastly, it was a big trip with a lot of time together and, based on my track record, I was not sure if the introvert in me would handle it with grace. I was not a social butterfly whatsoever. It was the time to listen to my intuition and say something. Instead, I quietly decided to make it work. I didn't want to be difficult and act like a diva. Everyone was so excited. I had no heart to curb their enthusiasm and project negativity.

We successfully rebooked our fall trip, but that came with guilt for imposing our choices and on the other family, like specific dates and the location, which could add costs. As a result, and to my own surprise, I opened a conversation about potentially sharing the lodging. Predictably, my uncalled for offering turned out counter-productive. It didn’t seem to help them book the flights and it didn’t help me either. Instead of feeling good about my deed, I started to feel anxious if my low social stamina would carry me through the week, and about the two-family dynamics in general. Our paths hadn't crossed in a while and communication was minimal.

I was not comfortable with how things were going and I knew it was all my doing. I was leaving too much to chance and to others. I had to tell the other family, and mine, that I was actually not ready for a two-family vacation under one roof. I had to go back on my lodging offer.

As I found out, it wasn't necessary. In the meantime, the other family had cooled off to the vacation idea. The whole exercise of trying to make it work turned out a waste of my energy. Almost a waste of energy. I learned a lot about myself.

First, I thought I was willing and able to compromise my introvert needs in the name of harmony and to accommodate others, but I wasn't. Not on a vacation. Secondly, my will to make it easier for others stemmed mostly from me dreading conflict. I was not assertive enough to set my boundaries, as if it was such a diva thing to do. Looking back, it was the only honest thing to do.