Why Go Through Change Alone?

Hello from Bern, or Grüessech!

After a few months of a lot of packing and unpacking, various closing and opening, and many good-byes and nice-to-meet yous, we are finally settled in our new apartment and our new town. In other words, the hectic period of transition is over, and I have no further excuses not to write.  In fact, now that the transition is over, it might be worth to reflect on it.

According to Merriam- Webster dictionary, a simple definition of transition is “a change or shift from one state, subject, place etc. to another.” A child turning into a teenager, passing of a relative or a pet, summer turning into fall- we and everyone and everything around us undergo a transition all the time.

Looking at this definition brought about the following reflections.

Transitions are inevitable. Change is constant and omnipresent. My family have moved across the ocean, so we have made a tangible and physical transition, but even if we had stayed on the West Coast, we would have undergone a transition, anyways.  We would have changed. People around us would have changed. Our pets would have changed. Things would have simply been different. Our perception of things would have been different. As the Polish poet said, “Nothing can ever happen twice.” A miracle can’t be recreated, time can’t be stopped. But guess what? That’s a good thing. That’s how we grow and that’s how we enrich our lives with new experiences.  

Secondly, although inevitable, transitions can be as short, or as long, as we make them.

When I met my husband twenty years ago, I was hesitant to enter a new relationship. I wasn’t ready, I thought. I was “on the rebound.” I heard the phrase in a movie, and I thought it explained it all and didn’t invite any further questions. Well, I didn’t know that the now-my-husband loved questions. “How long are you going to be on the rebound?” He asked bluntly.

I thought this question was genius. There is no minimum time required to feel not ready to move on. It is up to me. I can make it as long or as short as I want to. I can wait until the last piece of furniture arrives in my apartment- we are still closet-less and living out of suitcases- before I proclaim that I am settled. I can wait till I learn perfect German before I start talking to people auf Deutsch. I can wait till I stop missing my friends and my pets before building new relationships. I can do all that, or I can take some risks sooner.

I’m not saying it is easy to do though.  But that brings me to my last point.  It is always easier if we can count on some support. Support can look different for different people. It can be as simple as a relative we can turn to when things get tough. It can be a professional with relevant know-how. It can be a friend who will give us a ride to the airport.

I think the trickiest part is to notice the people ready to offer us their help and accept that help. For many of us it is not easy accept support, let alone ask for it. It is very humbling. Many of us have been conditioned to go it alone. We look at asking for help as inconveniencing others, but it is not always so. People are more often ready to help us than they are not. It feels good to be needed, to know we have something to offer others.

From old friends helping us to close things on the one end, to new friends helping us to start things on the other end, this transition has been a true testimony of the value of support.

So, if you are going through a transition, don’t despair. This phase doesn’t have to last long. Plus, you are not alone, and you don’t have to go it alone. There are many people out there going through the same. Why not join forces and support each other? There are many people out there ready to champion you just because they can and they want to. Let them do that. And if you prefer a professional on your side, there are coaches like me ready to support you through YOUR transition.